My Book is called My Sister's Keeper By Jodi Picoult.
I will be telling the story through the eyes of Kate.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
I am such a burden to my family they would be so much better if I was dead. I if I was gone Jesse would not be forgotten he would be better off. I never feel like I am ever living. All I ever do is decide if doing a different treatment will kill me. I love my sister Anna to death, she has given up everything for me. She is not sick, but Anna has had many operations to give me blood, platelets or even bone marrow. She was born to save me, but she needs to live her life and not worry about mine. That is why I asked her to kill me. I know she won’t physically kill me, but I want her to find a way to. Anna told me tonight that she is going to a lawyer so she can have medical emancipation. What this will mean for me is that she won’t have to donate anymore, this means I am going to die in the immediate future. I just want to be gone.
Mom isn’t happy with Anna right now, she just got the papers that Anna wants to be medically emancipated. I want to tell her that I made her do it and that she should just kill me now to get rid of the pain. I am going to die anyway so might as well get it over with. I know Anna does not want to keep having surgeries for me. I don’t want her to donate her kidney to me. I may not even live through the procedure. The thing is though my mom won’t accept that I am not strong enough. The doctors have told her this, but she is not going to give up.
Anytime there is any mention of Anna I know there is going to be a fight, so I go up into my room and think is this what I really want. I know it is, though, I have put my family through enough. Later that day I begin to vomit blood, and mom comes to my rescue and we go the hospital with Jesse. I know that I don’t have long, I just need Anna to keep on her mission to “kill me”. I overhear the doctors telling my mom that I am in the ending stages of kidney failure. I want Anna to know, but I can’t seem to get the words out so all that I say that is audible is “tell Anna”. She needs to know that I am almost gone. I’m asleep, but I can still feel Anna climb into the hospital bed with me. I love her so much and this is killing me to do this to her, but this is the only way.
Still in the hospital and I don’t think I will be getting out anytime soon. I know that I am going to die and I have accepted this fact, but my family can’t. I hear from the nurse's gossip that my mother was given a restraining to keep away from Anna for awhile. I know that I am hurting my entire family by doing this to them, but this is for the best. When I am gone Jesse will get the attention he has been dying for. Anna will finally be released for the anchor that I have out on her, she will be able to play hockey and live her life. I hope they will understand. I have caused so much damage to my family, Anna and Dad had to move out because of the restraining order. I know this is what I want, though.
Jesse is an interesting character, he knows how to have fun that is one thing for sure. I know that he should be in jail right now, but because of me the police officers take pity on him and let him off. I know that if my parents took the time to pay attention to him he would not act out in this way. I know he loves me, but it is hard to see him like this. I remember when Jesse was in middle school he got mad that Mom forgot about his orthodontic appointment because she had just been at the hospital all day with me. She was absolutely exhausted and forgot about his appointment. He had gotten upset and ran up to his bedroom with a fork. He used the fork to pry the braces off of his teeth, so Mom would not have to do anything for him anymore. Jesse just wanted to be seen and he would have been better off.
I was just told I have a week to live. I knew this was coming, I don’t know if I can say goodbye to my family, though. Anna understands why I am asking her to do this for me, but the reality of my situation has just hit me and I will be dead in a week. My Mom doesn’t want me to give up, but I already have. She thinks I am strong enough for the kidney transplant, but I know that I am not. I don’t want to put Anna through that pain physically only to give her emotional pain as well.
I had never felt normal, I never had many friends if any. There was a boy who was getting his blood drawn when I was getting chemo that helped my feel like a normal person again. His name was Taylor, I loved him so much. He used to call in the middle of dinner and I would go hide in my room and talk to him for hours. He knew what I was going though because he had cancer too, Taylor had gone into remission, though.He would sit with me during my treatments and would also hold my hair back while I puked. He was my little blessing a life full of sadness. The hospital had a prom for the sick kids and I felt beautiful for once after we found the right dress. That night we had our first kiss, and I had the time of my life. After that night I didn’t hear from him ever again. I thought I had scared him off. I later found out that he had died that night and my Mother had waited A WHOLE MONTH to tell me. I was furious with her because I loved him.
My parents haven’t had time to love each other since I relapsed for the last time. All they ever worry about is me. I am afraid that when I die they will have nothing in common anymore. I do not want to be a wedge in my parent's relationship. Once I am gone everything will be better. Anna will be able to play hockey and be herself, instead of worrying about me the whole time. Jesse will finally get the attention he has been craving for. They don’t realize how much of a burden I have put into their lives. I hope that when I am gone they will be able to have fun again.
I asked Anna about two months ago to kill me. It’s not like I didn’t want to live, but I hated the life I was living. I had tried to commit suicide, but I couldn’t go through with because of all of my family that I would hurt by doing so. Mom never understood what I wanted. When the option to have a kidney transplant occurred I didn’t want it because I would probably die on the operating table. She didn’t understand that either way I was going to die. I told Anna that night to not go through with the surgery. She agreed, but she would have given me her kidney in a heartbeat, but I didn’t want her to. Fast forward to today. The judge came by because Anna told the court that the reason she was asking for medical emancipation is because I told her to kill me. The judge and I talked I told him what I really wanted and he understood. An hour later Anna hopped into my bed and she told me that she was sorry for all of this. I said to her that she should not be sorry because this is what I wanted.
Why? Why does a person like my wonderful sister die? I was wakened up to hear my parents telling me that I am going into surgery right now. When I ask why both of my parents start to tear up. I know she is gone, there are no words spoken, but I know. I was the one who was supposed to die not her. She was healthy, no one saw this coming. Life is so precious never take it for granted, even though I have time and time again.
Anna may be gone, but I can feel her all around me. I believe that she was there when I was crossing the stage when I got my high school diploma when I was still sick. How I see it, is somebody had to die and Anna was that person. I got better a year after the surgery no one knew why. The doctors can tell me all of their explanations, but I know the truth. I hope Anna was there when Jesse was accepted into the police academy and when he helped on a big drug bust. Dad got into the bottle when Anna died, I believe that she helped him get over his addiction. I couldn’t laugh for a long time after Anna's death, but when I did it was like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. I got better a year after the surgery no one knew why. When I look at the scar I think I can see her name, I know I am delirious, though. I have a piece of her with me wherever I go and I can’t be evermore thankful.