My Book is called My Sister's Keeper By Jodi Picoult.
I will be telling the story through the eyes of Kate.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
I am such a burden to my family they would be so much better if I was dead. I if I was gone Jesse would not be forgotten he would be better off. I never feel like I am ever living. All I ever do is decide if doing a different treatment will kill me. I love my sister Anna to death, she has given up everything for me. She is not sick, but Anna has had many operations to give me blood, platelets or even bone marrow. She was born to save me, but she needs to live her life and not worry about mine. That is why I asked her to kill me. I know she won’t physically kill me, but I want her to find a way to. Anna told me tonight that she is going to a lawyer so she can have medical emancipation. What this will mean for me is that she won’t have to donate anymore, this means I am going to die in the immediate future. I just want to be gone.
Mom isn’t happy with Anna right now, she just got the papers that Anna wants to be medically emancipated. I want to tell her that I made her do it and that she should just kill me now to get rid of the pain. I am going to die anyway so might as well get it over with. I know Anna does not want to keep having surgeries for me. I don’t want her to donate her kidney to me. I may not even live through the procedure. The thing is though my mom won’t accept that I am not strong enough. The doctors have told her this, but she is not going to give up.
Anytime there is any mention of Anna I know there is going to be a fight, so I go up into my room and think is this what I really want. I know it is, though, I have put my family through enough. Later that day I begin to vomit blood, and mom comes to my rescue and we go the hospital with Jesse. I know that I don’t have long, I just need Anna to keep on her mission to “kill me”. I overhear the doctors telling my mom that I am in the ending stages of kidney failure. I want Anna to know, but I can’t seem to get the words out so all that I say that is audible is “tell Anna”. She needs to know that I am almost gone. I’m asleep, but I can still feel Anna climb into the hospital bed with me. I love her so much and this is killing me to do this to her, but this is the only way.
Still in the hospital and I don’t think I will be getting out anytime soon. I know that I am going to die and I have accepted this fact, but my family can’t. I hear from the nurse's gossip that my mother was given a restraining to keep away from Anna for awhile. I know that I am hurting my entire family by doing this to them, but this is for the best. When I am gone Jesse will get the attention he has been dying for. Anna will finally be released for the anchor that I have out on her, she will be able to play hockey and live her life. I hope they will understand. I have caused so much damage to my family, Anna and Dad had to move out because of the restraining order. I know this is what I want, though.
Jesse is an interesting character, he knows how to have fun that is one thing for sure. I know that he should be in jail right now, but because of me the police officers take pity on him and let him off. I know that if my parents took the time to pay attention to him he would not act out in this way. I know he loves me, but it is hard to see him like this. I remember when Jesse was in middle school he got mad that Mom forgot about his orthodontic appointment because she had just been at the hospital all day with me. She was absolutely exhausted and forgot about his appointment. He had gotten upset and ran up to his bedroom with a fork. He used the fork to pry the braces off of his teeth, so Mom would not have to do anything for him anymore. Jesse just wanted to be seen and he would have been better off.
I was just told I have a week to live. I knew this was coming, I don’t know if I can say goodbye to my family, though. Anna understands why I am asking her to do this for me, but the reality of my situation has just hit me and I will be dead in a week. My Mom doesn’t want me to give up, but I already have. She thinks I am strong enough for the kidney transplant, but I know that I am not. I don’t want to put Anna through that pain physically only to give her emotional pain as well.